Love Languages

Do you know YOUR love language? 

You may be asking yourself “what is a love language even?” Well, love language, simply put, is how one expresses & receives love and/or appreciation.  

The main discussion was started by author Gary Chapman who wrote ‘The 5 Love Languages’ in 1992. He narrowed it down by observing people in how they receive and give love, ultimately ending up with 5 different categories: Receiving Gifts, Words of Affirmation, Physical Touch, Acts of Service, and Quality Time. 

This isn’t just good to know for intimate relationships but also for mentorships, partnerships, friendships, and/or even business relationships! Knowing how someone prefers to be appreciated or how they prefer to receive affections is good knowledge for any stage of any relationship, or just to know about yourself for yourself.  

Below is a list summarizing each Love Language and different things you can do to show your efforts & appreciation to them! Keep in mind: everyone has a leading love language but we actually possess a certain degree of each category. 

• 1) Words of Affirmation: Encouraging and/or affirming words mean everything to this person. Err on the side of positive communications.
• DO listen actively
• DO encourage, affirm, and appreciate this individual with random cards, letters, simple texts or intentionally set conversations.  
• DO NOT bring up non-constructive criticism as this individual will likely hang onto those words. 
• DO NOT go long periods or get lazy about recognizing & appreciating their efforts. (1 healthy tip that helps distinguish if something you’re about to say is non-constructive or constructive is the 10 Second Rule. If the individual cannot fix the problem within 10 seconds, DO NOT mention it unless you fully plan on helping them fix it. Example: DO tell someone they have something in their teeth. DO NOT tell someone their life’s a mess. Nine times out of 10, the individual already knows they look a mess & your comment could be the straw that broke that vulnerable camel’s back)
• 2) Quality Time: Intentionally set up undistracted time spent with this person. 
• DO create special moments.
• DO have one-on-one time.
• DO go for walks & “dates” with this person.
• DO focus on them & your connection during this time.  
• DO NOT be distracted (on your phone constantly) during this time. 
• DO NOT go a long time in between time spent together. 
• DO NOT confuse this time as having to always be something super special and extravagant…the truth is they just want to spend time with YOU! Whether it be just watching movies, going for a walk, or just relaxing outside conversing, they really just want that undivided attention & connection.  
• 3) Acts of Service: Using ACTION to show your appreciation. 
• DO chores/favors/errands to help lighten their load.
• DO follow through if they ask for help, big or small. 
• DO make it known, often, that you’re here to help. 
• DO NOT wait until they feel they have to ask/nag you.
• DO NOT not follow through (actions speak louder than words & 1000x times louder to this type of Love Language)
• DO NOT say “well you didn’t ask me” Truthfully, this love language finds it intensely draining when they constantly have to ask or demand these acts of service(s) be done. It’s much much much more appreciated by them if you just do it, without having to be asked.  
• 4) Receiving Gifts: This person loves to show & be shown appreciation with gifts. Win easy extra brownie points when you gift “just because”. 
• DO express gratitude when receiving a gift from them.
• DO thoughtfully gift to them.  
• DO NOT forget about special occasions.
• DO NOT receive a gift given by them unenthusiastically.
• DO NOT last-minute gift buy for them. Truly they don’t care if it’s something as little as a single rose or as big as a car, they just want to feel like the intention behind it is thought out- making them a priority to you.  
• 5) Physical Touch: These Love Language individuals are, by far, the easiest to please. It’s as simple as holding hands in public, giving their booty a little love tap as they pass by, or frequent little head & shoulder massages. (disclaimer: this one isn’t the easiest for business relationships/partnerships; just know that nonverbal body language will show them that same appreciation or pair it with another Love Languages) 
• DO touch an arm, shoulder, back area when complimenting them.
• DO be conscious about your body language with this type.
• DO frequent kisses, hugs, cuddling.  
• DO NOT go long periods without touch. 
• DO NOT physically abuse or tease this type. 
• DO NOT neglect or all together deny this type any touch & especially DO NOT use the lack of physical touch as a form of punishment.  

Be warned; Love Languages are not a sure-fire way to solidify your relationship or a quick fix to happiness. They are simply a form of bettering communication and understanding between people. Just because you and a partner are the same Love Language DOES NOT mean you’re 100% compatible. It’s a tool, not a fix.  

SO! What is your Love Language? You can take a quiz to find out at www.5lovelanguages.com